First in an occasional series for those who live and love online. Feel free to hit me up with questions of your own!
If You've Got Love In Your Sights / Watch Out, Love Bites
- Def Leppard
Dear Love Bytes,
How long should I wait until I officially break up with my boyfriend on Facebook? We broke up in the real world this week, but I'm not looking forward to announcing it to my network. How do I play it cool? I'd like to casually and discretely announce that I'm "open for business" while avoiding an avalanche of curious/annoying wall posts that will populate everyone's news feed in an exponential orgy of shame and gossip.
Let me add that my embarrassment quotient is especially high because we were one of those gag-worthy couples who spammed the universe with 5000 self-portraits (taken by pointing the camera back at arms length) from our trip to Tahiti, where apparently we did nothing other than cuddle in a straw hut and giggle our Paid Time Off away like Romeo and Juliet on a laughing gas binge.
It goes without saying that we own a Labradoodle together, but at least he can't observe Mommy and Daddy's online disintegration via a godd@#n Facebook profile.
Sincerely,
Fearing Facebook
Dear Fearing Facebook,
As you've discovered, social networks represent a zero sum game when it comes to love. You're either blissfully happy or a pitiful Britney Spears-in-training. As soon as you virtually declare your mutual commitment to your beloved, you best be playin' for keeps unless you can handle the consequences of breaking that union...namely, the crimson broken-heart-of-death that cascades through news feeds like a blinking memo of abject failure and despair. You can pretend to be hip and put-together about your downfall, but what really matters is the sentiment percolating in the hearts and minds of your Facebook compatriots: that Ms. "We're More In Love Than Any Of Y'All" got turned back at the goalline of Eternal and Everlasting Love. It was 4th and 1, and the Breakup Beast mauled you 35 yards behind the line of scrimmage and is now dancing over your crumpled romance like Ray Lewis. And guess what? Everyone's sitting in the stands having a good laugh at your expense.
Just remember...Love Bytes.
If You've Got Love In Your Sights / Watch Out, Love Bites
- Def Leppard
Dear Love Bytes,
How long should I wait until I officially break up with my boyfriend on Facebook? We broke up in the real world this week, but I'm not looking forward to announcing it to my network. How do I play it cool? I'd like to casually and discretely announce that I'm "open for business" while avoiding an avalanche of curious/annoying wall posts that will populate everyone's news feed in an exponential orgy of shame and gossip.
Let me add that my embarrassment quotient is especially high because we were one of those gag-worthy couples who spammed the universe with 5000 self-portraits (taken by pointing the camera back at arms length) from our trip to Tahiti, where apparently we did nothing other than cuddle in a straw hut and giggle our Paid Time Off away like Romeo and Juliet on a laughing gas binge.
It goes without saying that we own a Labradoodle together, but at least he can't observe Mommy and Daddy's online disintegration via a godd@#n Facebook profile.
Sincerely,
Fearing Facebook
Dear Fearing Facebook,
As you've discovered, social networks represent a zero sum game when it comes to love. You're either blissfully happy or a pitiful Britney Spears-in-training. As soon as you virtually declare your mutual commitment to your beloved, you best be playin' for keeps unless you can handle the consequences of breaking that union...namely, the crimson broken-heart-of-death that cascades through news feeds like a blinking memo of abject failure and despair. You can pretend to be hip and put-together about your downfall, but what really matters is the sentiment percolating in the hearts and minds of your Facebook compatriots: that Ms. "We're More In Love Than Any Of Y'All" got turned back at the goalline of Eternal and Everlasting Love. It was 4th and 1, and the Breakup Beast mauled you 35 yards behind the line of scrimmage and is now dancing over your crumpled romance like Ray Lewis. And guess what? Everyone's sitting in the stands having a good laugh at your expense.
Just remember...Love Bytes.
so funny
Posted by: pleasure | July 15, 2008 at 05:53 PM
Dear Love Bytes,
I am engaged and counting down the days until I update my status of Facebook, from "engaged to--, to the all-coveted, "married to--".
Can you offer any advice on streamlining this process.
Thanks,
Waiting-to-Tie-the-Knot
Posted by: samantha | July 15, 2008 at 06:54 PM
Samantha,
Patience is a virtue in situations like this...you don't want to jump the gun and prance around Facebook acting all betrothed and stuff.
Seth
Posted by: Seth Barnes | July 18, 2008 at 07:10 PM
I don't claim to be a love doctor of any sort, but another great approach for those unmarried folks is simply to not post that information at all. It tends to make one appear much more stable in life and perhaps mysterious which in turn can help to attract a lot of positive attention.
Posted by: Eyewash | July 19, 2008 at 11:03 AM