As Congress spends its summer recess preparing to inact health care reform legislation, a top campaign goal of President Obama's, when it reconvenes in the fall, key supporters are considering rebranding the effort as "Jon Gosselin's Sex Tape!!" The remessaging is an attempt to bring increased awareness, engagement, and interest to a topic that parties on both sides of the debate admit is complex, misunderstood, and stupefyingly boring.
"We need to jazz up the way we talk to the American public about health care," claims a top aide speaking on condition of anonymity because he's not authorized to talk about White House strategy -- or the top rated Jon and Kate Plus 8 show broadcast around the clock on TLC. "We need to sex it up. If we replace "health care reform" with "New Jon Gosselin Sex Tape!!" in public speeches, online, and in everyday debate we're going to hit Americans right where their attention is: on the ramblin' booty chasin' exploits of Jon Gosselin, the estranged co-star of that exploitive cable show detailing the lives of his eight children in the name of Nielsen ratings points. An average mother of three knows that managed-care reform is important, even crucial, to the well being of her family...but we need to take a more nuanced approach with her. Which magazine article or web link is she going to read? "Blue Dog Democrats Push Privatized Insurance Co-Pay Solution" or "Nanny Watches Kids, Kate Sobs In Bed After Jon Films Sex Tape In Glass Box Above Vegas Strip!"
The ploy simply attempts to get citizens to pay attention, if even only for a second. Once they're roped in with a salacious headline like "Jon Gosselin Promises Second Sex Tape If Kate Doesn't Shut The F#ck Up About The First One" or "Jon Gosselin Sex Tape Involves Glue Gun, Slip 'N Slide, and Madonna...All At Once" the communication will quickly go into detail on the finer, more pertinent points of health care reform. "It's a ruse, no doubt about it. Health care is still as bland and boring as a bowl of Original Shredded Wheat, but the message is more likely to stick once the reader or listener is drawn in with the latest gossip about what's going on in Jon Gosselin's drawers.
Supporters claim that several scandalous themes were considered alongside the Jon Gosselin angle. Ornery senators scanned trending Internet search phrases while staffers picked through Twitter and Facebook updates in an effort to glean current topics and rumors that could be exaggerated for maximum intrigue. "Michael Jackson Autopsy Pics," "Click Here For Free iPhone," "Lady Gaga Ringtones," "Sarah Palin Plastic Surgery Meltdown," "Jonas Brothers Methamphetamine Binge," and "Susan Boyle Sex Dungeon Discovered," were all bandied about as possibilities.
While a cynic might dismiss these tactics as a lowest-common-denominator way of taking advantage of average folks, Obama insiders insist that early testing with focus groups indicate people are more amenable to learning about this important debate once they've been primed with a bit of juicy celebrity gossip. "Health care is a snoozefest," admitted a prominent Senator on the Finance Committee. "Jon Gosselin gelling up his hair, hitting a Cancun nightclub for fruity drinks with 21 year olds, and stumbling off into the night with some floozy...now that's what I call a winning piece of legislation!"
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